April 20, 2010
Relationships & Dating: How Offline Principals Apply to Blogging & Twitter
Relationship columnist Andrea Syrtash and author of He's Just Not Your Type, is on the 140 Character Conference stage sharing her principals of effective relationships - what works and what doesn't for dating offline. She takes these principals to the online world and demonstrates how the very same principals apply to social media - blogging, Twitter and in every other online communication.
Lesson number 1: let others impress you rather than you focusing on "me me me." In other words, listen to the inbound dialogue, engage and respond rather than having it all be about your own pitch.
Number 2: you can't have intimacy without vulnerability. You need to be present and let go - you need to show a little vulnerability and not try to be so polished and perfect. People can't connect with you when you're being perfect. The same goes for relationships online. It's okay to ask for help on Twitter, but be real in your ask.
Principal number 3: Remember that people want to be challenged, not changed. No one wants to date a doormat; most of us want to be stimulated and challenged. It's important to understand the difference between challenging someone and changing them. When you are having a conversation with someone, ask yourself - are you trying to change their opinion or change them or are you offering your opinion?
In the online world, the same is true. People love provocative conversations on Twitter - a debate online is 'magic,' but the moment someone gets mean or angry, it's the end of the conversation. People stop listening and engaging at that point. Remember, you can challenge someone online without undermining their position.
Principal number 4: don't confuse immediate gratification with long term fulfillment. This is obviously a lesson in life too. She refers to Aristotle on this one. Don't be distracted by material things, power or money when you're engaging with people, on or offline. Ask yourself, am I being brought to my highest potential with the person I'm engaging with? This is where an effective relationship starts.
Am I a good version of myself when I'm with the person I'm engaging with, relating to, IN a relationship with? If you focus on superficial measures of success, it's only going to give you short term superficial gratification, not sustainable success or happiness.
Effective relationships start with you - stop complaining and start creating. In other words, BE the audience you want to create. How does the story start and end? You can't control how everyone reacts, but you can only create how you react. Andrea ends with this statement and passing advice: "To be effective in relationships, you have to be authentic - on and offline, and in life and in love."
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