On Emotional Intelligence

Daniel Goleman addresses the TED audience on emotional intelligence and taking a collateral look at compassion – from global to local.

“There is a direct correlation,” said Goleman, “between self absorption and how much time we have on our hands.” In other words, we are much more likely to help a stranded victim, talk to a beggar on the street or listen to a friend when we simply have more time to do so rather than feeling the ‘need’ to get from Point A to B.

“There is a distinction between helping, thinking of ourselves and helping others. Turn off your blackberry when you are with someone and pay FULL attention.” HERE HERE Daniel.

It is precisely what I have been feeling ever since I moved to the Bay Area. He adds, “the fact that devices compete for a person’s attention leaves people feeling both puzzled and pissed off, equating to a term he makes up on the fly – ‘pizzled.’

Everyone laughs yet it is sad that we have become so accustomed to this behavior as a normal and integral part of our lives. He challenges us to do an exercise whether we are single or married.

He said to the women in the room: “see how long it takes a man to actually ask about YOU in an early conversation with him.” Interesting thought. I’m not sure I’d want to calculate this for fear of the actual results I’d have to report back…..

So what is the correlation between empathy and IQ? “The elephant in the room is the elephant but we don’t even realize it,” said Coleman.

When we pass a homeless person, we often only see that person in our peripheral vision. After visiting a homeless shelter, he started to 'see' homeless people in a different way, as if he was somehow shaken out of his urban trance. He challenges us to really think about intelligence in a different way, to access empathy more regularly and recommends the book Stuff.