February 28, 2006
On Sex, Connection, Love...
Anthropologist Helen Fisher talks about sex, romance and the art of love in far too of a structured and academic format for me. I saw her in a large auditorium and the whole 'lecture' just felt far too impersonal and yet, her content was fabulous.
She re-emphasizes John Gray's whole 'men are different from women and here's what to do about it speech.' I learn that she has been studying male/female behavior for thirty years and the value of such longevity is a ton of interesting facts that we can beg, borrow and steal from. For example:
In the romantic love phase, both sexes have a strong 'craving' to be with the person; more than just an emotional craving. She compares it to the craving we have for a basic substance, like food or water and less connected to an emotional longing - a longer term, later stage love.
"Would you die for this person?" she asks everyone she interviewed along the way and in every case, they said yes. Parents understand this with unconditional love for their children - is this the same unconditional love we feel during the romantic love phase? I think not, yet the craving, the obsession, the motivation and longing tendancies are similar in many ways.
Says Fisher, "Romantic love is not an emotion; its a drive that comes from 'wanting and craving.' It's like the motor of a drive...."
She speaks of 175 societies, which have all left powerful evidence of romantic love over centuries, from legends, poetry, music and sculpture to literature and art.
We learn about three different brain systems:
1. Romantic Love
Then suddenly, she moves into changes in workforce, particularly for women and what this means for all of the stages outlined above. She notes: 54% of writers in America are women; "we're great at negotiating skills, as web thinkers, writers and designers."
She says of women: "We're more intuitive, we tend to see more options and solutions, use a holistic approach and continually move towards more of a collaborative society overall. Not only are women expressing themselves and taking charge in the workplace, but also in bed."
Sexual expression in the 2000's is a bit more like what it was in the hunting and gathering societies of 'old.' We're returning to this in some ways; companion marriages, which is more equal overall. Only 37 societies said they wanted/needed to be in 'love' to be married. Yet, arranged marriages are on their way out, she says.
Fisher worries about anti-depressants however. (such a novel thought isn't it??) Because they're now generic, they are spreading around the world. These kinds of drugs raise the level of serotonin and suppress dopomine (which may include your sex drive).
She ends with a slide and discussion about 'why we fall in love with one person and not another.'
4. He/she/it fits into your love map
5. We naturally gravitate to complimentary brain systems......
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Very interesting indeed. There's an old saying that opposites attract. IN your case, Lady I don't think that saying applies. Although I perceive you as a very nice individual, you do not strike me as someone who would have anything to do with any guy (ANY person for that matter) who does not share your PROGRESSIVE (LIBERAL, LEFT-WING, ETC.) point of view. And I invite you to notice that a person can disagree with you and not be a mean-spirited, right-wing conservative.
Posted by: Richard | Feb 28, 2006 5:26:01 AM
If you liked this vein of information, I think you'd like to read She Comes First and He Comes Next. They are great books that really talk about pleasuring your partner along with the magical chemicals that occur during the lovely process.
Posted by: Susan | Mar 1, 2006 3:47:07 PM
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